Been awhile...but I am back!

Sometimes life throws unexpected curveballs at us. After my last post I went to Florida for 5 days for Usborne training with my fabulous friends and fellow teammates. I came back and settled back into life ready to start blogging again and then it hit....that random curveball!

I got in a weird funk....a depressed and anxious state of mind. I prayed, ate better,  started exercising more and tried to figure out what was causing it. Obviously this last year has been very stressful with all the uprooting and changing but it hit me when I felt like I was finally on top of everything. Sure I had started homeschooling and that is kind of tough, but I thought I was the happiest I have ever been. Yet, I would see something random and start crying over the loss of my friends in MD/PA. Take my kids to an event and start tearing up over missing our old church family.

Still not completely sure what was/is going on. I have heard about your body having kind of a letdown affect when things do start to even out. Not sure if that was it. I am still struggling and battling it. But actually admitting that I am struggling with it to myself and my husband has helped me get a hold of it a little more.

I have started reading a great book, Resolution for Women, and the first three days have focuses on being thankful for what we are blessed with and the secret to contentment. This has been so helpful to me. When I start to feel the emotions rise, rather then get mad at my kids, for example, I am trying to stop and think. Will this matter in 5 years or even 5 minutes? How would Christ talk to them? It is helping me slow my quick and often unChristlike response to a more thoughtful approach. They still have consequences but from someone who is calmly informing them of what they are.

I don't know if any of you have ever struggled with these kinds of feelings, but just know that you aren't alone. We all struggle. Sometimes we all put up our brave facades...but that is all they are. Masks so people don't see into our real lives. Just know that admitting to yourself that you are is a huge step towards healing. Being able to admit it to someone close to you is yet another step in that direction.

Just so you know, if you ever need encouragement, you are welcome to write me: scrappinaly@gmail.com

Hugs,
Aly

{Sunday Song} Fall Apart & The Story of our Last Year Part 1

This is the first of my Sunday Song posts. I will be sharing music that has inspired me. It won't just be a song but a post about what this song means to me. This first one is going to be kind of long and the next couple might as well as I am going to recount the story of our last year: My hubby's lay off and God's leading to move our family to Texas! So hit play and read part one of our families story!

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Why is it that we seem to so easily give praise to God in the good times? Why is it hard to trust Him when everything seems to be falling apart. This is going to be the first post detailing the amazing changes God has worked in my family, home and my life in the last year.

About a year ago, the Review and Herald Publishing Association, one of our denominations biggest publishing houses announced that they were going to be laying off about 40 people.  Trent had worked there for over 19 years. We played many scenarios out in our heads, some involved Trent being laid off others didn't. We were trying to prep ourselves for what many in America face frequently. We had just enrolled our daughter, Boo, in our church's private school since we got some subsidy and life seemed to be going pretty good.

The next few months are a lesson in learning to trust in God and that He will do anything to save us. But that is getting ahead of myself. Back to the story at hand

We knew the day it was going to happen there was a buzz going around that lay offs were going to start. I remember praying like I hadn't in years that God would spare Trent, asking family to pray for us and what we may have to go through. I never really thought it would happen. I just held out this hope...but God had another plan...something much bigger and larger then our own little imaginings for our future.

I remember clear as day the phone ringing and hearing my husbands voice on the other end.

"They called me upstairs"

We knew immediately what was going to happen. I got off the phone with tears streaming down my face and called my mom. She reminded me not so gently, but lovingly that this wasn't about me and I needed to be strong for my husband. I knew she was right, wiped the tears from my eyes and when he called again told him we were on our way down to help him pack up his office (it was effective immediately). I collected some boxes, grabbed the kids and was out the door.

The rest of the day was kind of a blur...we packed up, picked Boo up a little early since I didn't really want to see people, and headed home. The next morning we woke up together very early and just talked. We both felt really strong moving forward not knowing the road ahead but knowing we were going to just move forward together.

Later that evening, Trent got a call from one of his friends, Mark, who lived in Texas and worked for the Union office. He said he had heard about Trent's lay off and wanted to tell him about a possible job opportunity. He had heard from a secretary who had heard from her brother who had heard from his wife who just happen to be Trent's sister. Apparently Southwestern Adventist University was looking for a person to help start up a graphic design emphasis in their communication department. He wanted to recommend Trent.

Trent has always wanted to teach and this seemed like a dream. He talked to someone a few weeks later, but we didn't really hear back from them for a long time. We were trying not to tell anyone either since we had no idea what was going to happen. During this time Trent took on designing the teen weekly magazine Insight.

In January we decided to go up to Philadelphia for 3 days since I had always wanted to go and you never know if we might move. On the last day while driving around Valley Forge, Trent got a call from the University asking if he would come down for an interview in February for a few days.

Working up to it we went through a ton more scenarios in our head. We knew it wasn't a full time job, so he could probably still do Insight. But we couldn't afford the move and they don't move adjuncts. We didn't want to get to hopeful since we were unsure if he would even be offered the job. He had been disappointed a few other times so we were opptimitically cautious.

The girls and I sent him on his way and this weekend was the start of feeling like my life was falling apart, but really it was just the beginning of understanding who God is and the lengths He will go/allow to let us have faith in Him.

The song selected for this post is a perfect reflection of where I was when I started this journey. I felt pretty ok about my relationship with God, I always wanted something deeper but didn't really know how to get what I wanted. I found out that what Josh Wilson writes is so true:

My whole world is caving in

But I feel You now more than I did then

How can I come to the end of me

And somehow still have all I need

God, I want to know You more

Maybe this is how it starts

I find You when when I fall apart

Part 2 Next Sunday :)

Love, Aly

I remember...

I remember I was sitting at my desk at work.
I remember I had been married for less then 6 months.
I remember that it felt to quiet in the school hallways.
I remember getting up and walking down the hallway.
I remember stopping in the religion room.
I remember the tv being on.
I remember seeing the second plane hit.
I remember calling my husband in shock.
I remember the Pentagon newsflash
I remember the prayer circle outside around the flag pole
I remember hearing about a 4th plan possibly headed to the mountain behind us
I remember the fear that it could hit us
I remember being so happy to be able to hug my husband.
I remember the tears
I remember the fear

and then I remember

• the patriotism that flooded the nation
• the pride that looking at our flag could evoke
• the friendliness that was more apparent on the streets

since then I remember

• seeing a soldier and telling my kids that is what a hero looks like
• seeing a soldier and tearfully telling them thanks as the nation forgot to remember and started protesting what was happening.
• seeing soldiers walk through an airport and the entire place erupting in clapping and tears
• seeing and knowing soldiers and their families who are still dealing with the repercussion of that day.

To all our military and their families all I can say is Thank You! To the people directly impacted from that day all I can say is I am sorry. To everyone else all I can say is this

I will never forget

because         

I choose to never forget